I Found God In The Dark

I thought You didn’t care.

I thought You were watching from a distance, arms crossed, unmoved.

I cried, I screamed into the void, but the silence pressed back harder.

Darkness was heavy, a lead blanket wrapped around my soul.

Every day was darker than the last, every breath felt borrowed.

I didn’t want to fight anymore. I Didn’t see the point.

And You? You were nowhere.

I got mad.

Like, really mad.

Didn’t want to hear Your name.

Didn’t want to pray, didn’t want to read the Bible.

Didn’t want to hear another well-meaning person say, “God is with you.”

Oh really? Because it felt like He packed up and left.

I demanded answers from You, yelled at You in the dark.

And honestly, I don’t even know how I expected You to answer.

Because if You had thundered from heaven, I would have needed a new pair of pants.

But You were there.

Even when I couldn’t see You.

Even when I accused You of indifference, of silence, of forgetting me.

You were moving.

You were working.

You were stitching the pieces of my shattered heart back together.

I just didn’t know it yet.

Somewhere in the middle of all that darkness, something changed.

Not suddenly, not with fireworks or a grand revelation.

One day, I just realized… I could breathe.

I wasn’t drowning anymore.

I wasn’t sinking.

I had no idea when You did it.

But You did.

You heal in ways I can’t predict.

You rescue in ways I don’t expect.

You move in ways I don’t understand.

You don’t always take away the storm,

But You always bring me through it.

And when You do, there’s no mistaking—

It was always You.

You didn’t leave.

You never do.

You didn’t let go.

Not for one second.

You didn’t watch me suffer from afar.

You stepped into the fire with me.

You walked through the valley with me.

You let the night run its course, but You never let it have me.

And when the time was right, You spoke light into my darkness.

Night gave way to day.

Dawn stretched its fingers across the sky.

Pain gave way to joy.

Hopelessness surrendered to life.

Despair crumbled into unending praise.

“You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” (Psalm 30:11)

You were there all along.

Not just watching, but carrying me through.

Not just listening, but answering in ways deeper than words.

Not indifferent. Not distant.

Holding. Healing. Working.

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, You are there;

If I make my bed in the depths, You are there.” (Psalm 139:7-8)

You are indeed close to the brokenhearted

You do in truth save those who are crushed in spirit.

You are the God who finds me anywhere.

The God who rescues.

The God who heals.

The God who brings morning after the longest night.

You are the God who stays.