It's a struggle that people do not understand, a toil she cannot even explain. Every time she tries to put it into words she fails, she is growing weary of even trying. How does she begin to make people understand, that she is fighting demons from within, she's in a daily internal feud, an invisible struggle, fought silently in the depths of her thoughts, where no eye can see the chaos raging within. With every passing day, she finds herself on the frontlines, desperately seeking serenity from the constant storm of negative thoughts and self-doubt. She is in a battle with her mind.
Everyone often wonders why she is always exhausted, why she is always so irritated and angry, why she is always so moody and annoyed. They constantly wonder why she’s so complicated and confusing, no one understands her, and they all struggle to figure her out. So, they keep their distance and resort to assumptions. She is so full of herself they say, she thinks she is better than everyone they presume. Her heart weeps, and she wonders how long she has to fight this battle, this constant conflict between hiding her pain and longing for them to see through her. She wishes she was an open book, but her internal struggles are keeping her closed. Yet, despite all this exhaustion weighing heavily upon her, she refuses to surrender.
She pushes through each day, there’s no other way. She wails for the life her mind is keeping her from living, She yearns for the freedom to be her true self and embrace the world without the chains of depression and anxiety. But she is determined, she will keep on fighting for her dear life. She will keep on drawing strength from above, this is a battle for her soul, and she will not give in. When the waves are battering her, threatening to destroy her very life, she refuses to sink. She strives to keep her head above water, even when her mind is telling her it’s not worth it, even when her reason is convincing her that it’s over. She refuses to let go, even at times when she feels like she’s just holding on by a thread. She refuses to give in even when she cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. She wishes she could let people know; she wishes she could open up about the turmoil within her mind. She wishes she could make them understand that she wants to be normal, but she just doesn’t know how. All her life she’s never been normal, she’s always been a soldier fighting a war, not from outside like other soldiers do but from within, a war with herself. She keeps fighting, day after day, trying to make sense of the chaos that resides within her. She lives for a day when she won't have to fight anymore; until then she continues to exchange blows while hoping that one day, maybe tomorrow, people will understand her better, maybe they will figure out that she’s in a daily brawl, a battle with her mind.